Thoughts on the Imminent Disaster that is Captain America: Civil War, part I

(Note – I have a tendency to use “Iron Man” and “Tony” interchangeably. Sorry.)

Ok, first up, I actually suspect that this will be an amazing movie. That doesn’t mean I have to like it.

However, the entire internet is tied up in it. There are so many memes about it that it’s not even funny.

However, no matter what way it goes down on screen, it’s going to suck for me.

Let’s start by explaining a little.

Most of what you need to know would be in the following comment from a recent G+ thread I commented on. I don’t think there’s any real spoilers about the plot except the inciting force (wow I’m a nerd). If you don’t trust me, don’t read the rest of this post. Consider yourself warned and please refrain from angry comments.

“Except it’s not a question of who’s friends with who, it’s a question of ideologies. It’s a Civil War, you know, brother vs. brother and friend vs. friend.

The thing is, Cap is being incredibly selfish in siding with Bucky rather than taking responsibility for the Mighty Avenger’s (A.K.A. Cap, Widow, War Machine, Falcon, Scarlet Witch, Hawkeye, and Vision. The team you see assembling at the end of Age of Ultron). They screw up big time and it panics the government – first an Avengers built robot tries to prematurely exterminate humanity, then the newly formed Mighty Avengers fail to efficiently protect people again?

Of course people freak out!

The thing is, Vision, War Machine, and Black Widow apparently see more value than harm in instating a hierarchy and system of accountability, while Hawkeye, Scarlet Witch, Bucky, Falcon, and Cap have all been burned by having one. Hence the split.Iron Man comes back because he feels guilty about Ultron, and Black Panther comes out because he feels it’s in the best interests of Wakanda to limit superhumans, while Ant Man suits up for Cap’s team because letting a weapon like the Ant Man suit into government hands would usher in a new reign of terror.

If it was a question of who liked who there would be no plot whatsoever.”

See, if I had to rank my favorite MCU characters, the list would look something like this (note that a character includes both their hero alias and their true identity averaged together) {Indicates Civil War alignment. Pro Registration is Team Iron Man, Anti Registration is Team Captain America} –

  1. Iron Man (Tony Stark) {Pro Registration}
  2. War Machine (James Rhodes) {Pro Registration}
  3. Ant-Man (Scott Lang) {Anti Registration}
  4. Hawkeye (Clint Barton) {Anti Registration}
  5. The Winter Soldier (“Bucky” Barnes) {Anti Registration}
  6. Quicksilver (Pietro Maximoff) {Deceased}
  7. Falcon (Sam Wilson) {Anti Registration}
  8. Thor (Thor) {Off world for Civil War}
  9. Hulk (should be last on the list except that I love Bruce Banner) {Off world for Civil War}
  10. Vision (Vision) {Pro Registration}
  11. Black Widow (Natasha Romanov) {Pro Registration}
  12. Scarlet Witch (Wanda Maximoff)  {Anti Registration}
  13. Captain America (Steve Rodgers) {Anti Registration}

Yes, I know that I omitted the Guardians of the Galaxy. I haven’t seen the movie yet, but it’s on the immediate plan.

Do you see my dilemma?

I came to the following resolution – I would be fine with either side winning on the following condition:

“I just hope that if Iron Man looses, they have a BRILLIANT story arc (haha, punny) for it. His team is by far the more directly powerful, and Cap’s team, insofar as we can tell, isn’t exactly shooting for stealth…

To be honest, I feel like it wouldn’t make sense for Cap’s team to win. There’s precedence for Iron Man countering Magneto and Hulk successfully (comics and movies, respectfully), both of which are severely more powerful and better suited to fighting Iron Man than Cap is, and Cap and Bucky are both acting emotionally rather than logically, which would lend itself to tripping them both up more than a logical Tony would.

In addition, Tony’s been smacked down more than enough in universe – halfway crushed by Thor in Avengers one, fighting mental illness in Iron Man 3, manipulated into nearly ending the world by Scarlet Witch in Age of Ultron… And then he finally gets a victory fighting Hulk (a “hero” I can’t stand in spite of the fact that I love Mark Ruffalo’s Bruce Banner) as nothing more than a plot necessity, and all he gets from the fanbase is crap because there’s no comic precedence for it, even though Hulk’s been needing to get brought down a notch for forever. I want to see him get a legitimate win for once. He’s not a freaking pushover.”

Oh, and don’t kill Iron Man or War Machine. Anyone else can die, but not those two.

The thing is, Marvel released the first trailer for the movie, and the whole of it was biased in Captain America’s favor. Initially I hypothesized that they were trying to maximize the polarization of the fanbase, but as no Iron Man slanted trailer has arisen in the months since, it’s beginning to look more like they’re actually casting Tony in the role of villain.

And we all know what happens to villains in Marvel movies…

  1. Iron Monger (Obadiah Stane) {Deceased} [Iron Man]
  2. Abomination (Emil Blonsky) {Deceased} [The Incredible Hulk]
  3. Red Skull (Johann Schmidt) {Deceased} [Captain America: The First Avengers]
  4. Whiplash (Ivan Antonovich Vanko) {Deceased} [Iron Man 2]
  5. Loki (Loki) {On Asgard} [Thor, The Avengers, Thor: The Dark World]
  6. “Mandarin” (Aldrich Killian) {Deceased} [Iron Man 3]
  7. The Winter Soldier (“Bucky” Barnes) {Not really a Villain} [Captain America: The Winter Soldier]
  8. Ultron (Ultron) {Deceased} [Avengers: Age of Ultron]
  9. Yellowjacket (Darren Cross) {Deceased} [Ant-Man]

Apparently, unless you’re Captain America’s ex-ex-best-friend or Thor’s brother, being a villain is a one-way ticket to six feet straight down.

This train of thought is making me a little cross with Cap. Not to mention totally screwing with one of my characters named Aftershock.

But there’s not exactly a truckload I can do to influence the outcome.

If Iron Man dies, I will never forgive Captain America.

What about you? I’m curious, who’s side are you on?

Comment why!

 

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